Sherlockian Texts
by bauble123
Summary: Sherlock's phone, and a dead tattood banker. An email conversation adaptation. Great fun to write.


_This was inspired/co written by a friend of mine, with whom I was emailing a conversation as Sherlock, John and whoever else. I have edited some of the messages. It was also inspired by a fan fic I read of text conversation between Sherlock and Mycroft. It's set nowhere and no time in particular, somewhere and somewhen after Sherlock returns at the end of series five._

Lovely, John SH

Lovely? Rare of you to compliment me - you're lying aren't you? JW

Well it's hard to understand when one is of such limited knowledge. Oh, and there's been a murder down Northumberland Avenue, wondered if you'd like to investigate? Greg rang me asking for my assistance and I'd be lost without my blogger. SH

Any details? You're usually a sucker for that. And I'm surprised, Sherlock, really, you got the name right - it is Greg. I'm truly amazed. I'll meet you on Northumberland, then. JW

Male, 46, no children, not much family, most dead. Was bank manger. Found with branding on left knee, of dragon, looks Chinese. Graham pointed out three other coupses with same marking, one on their head, and two others (one with the same symbol on the left shoulder, and one with the right one marked). Any ideas, good ones that is, tell me and I might consider them. SH

Chinese? Nothing. Gangs? I can call it "the banker with the dragon tattoo" - I'll be along. What would you do without your pet blogger, eh? JW

Less walking you round... I think we've done one like this before?! Goodness knows what you called it. And that title sucks John. SH

Oh, thanks, so sensitive, you are. If we've done it before, don't bother. I've got an issue back here, actually. Mrs Hudson's screaming about a creature in our room, and I'm loathe to go up without you. Hop on back to Baker Street. JW

She had better not have been dusting again and, if it's a rat she's screaming about, tell her it's an experiment! Also, I never said we've done it before, I said we've done one like it before, get your facts right John. SH

Whatever. It's no rat. "Big and grey" apparently. We can do that later. I've got hysterical Mrs H here, so you can just come right down. JW

Give her a shopping list and tell her to get going. SH

Fine, fine. I'm coming up. Anything special you want? btw we could pop into the shops on the way back, rather than making Mrs H do it. JW

A pair of hands, fresh. And a new kettle, this ones just exploded and ruined the experiment. Oh and put that we are looking for new cases on your blog. SH

You mean we aren't taking the Chinese banker case? I got the wrong end of the stick, clearly. I'll put it up. And Mrs Hudson will skip on the hands - she'll freak - you get them. I'll forward her the kettle request though. Whereabouts is this experiment? It's not in someone else's house is it? JW

_Still dragging Watson round, eh, Sherlock? I see his blog is advertising you. New cases? I may have something. My little brother and his pet blogger. You'll have to leave him sometime, brother dear. Careful. You're getting involved. Sentimentality is a defect found on the losing side. MH_

Mycroft, he is not my pet. And yes, John decided he didn't like playing Claudio or me shooting the wall, so I helpfully hinted it was time to get a new case, now if you please, I would like to get on with my own life rather than living in the shadow of your idiocy. SH

John, the kettle was under your bed. It's a good thing you're living with Mary now. SH

You what?! Sherlock! For one, in case you forgot, I'm staying with you until Friday, when I go down to meet Mary at her friend's house. I knew if I left you alone you'd end up like that. Right, I'm coming to you. Stick it out. Where exactly are you? And are we taking the banker case? You confuse me. It's the legacy of being a psychopath. JW

I'm at the bank getting information. SH

Wait at the bank, will you? Stop running off. I'm changing my password, by the way. Was it really necessary to post it on your website? There's to you, Sherlock. JW

John, I have told you many times that people have only 3 types of passwords, yours is the date of the start of the war split up by a friends surname. You might want to make it less obvious. And I do not run. I walk. SH

Figure of speech, Sherlock, figure of speech. I'll be there in about five minutes. see you there. JW

_Sherlock. How does John feel about you posting his account pass word on your site, brother dear? What case are you working on? I like to keep up my watch on my little brother. And I appreciate that you believe that John is not your pet. If this is true, perhaps you should stop treating him like one. MH_

Hurry up John, I'm leaving. SH

John's reactions are no concern of yours, brother dear. Currently I don't have a case, and you don't want to keep an eye on me, you want to have control over me. Finally John is not my pet and nor do I treat him like one. SH

I'm right outside the door - hang on in there, Sherry. Sherry...can I call you that from now on? JW

_Getting a little defensive, aren't we Sherlock? John texted me about calling you Sherry. A capital idea, I think. MH_

**Sherlock? We have two bodies down at Earl's court. Found in a tube carriage when it came into the station 10 minutes ago. **

**No idea when it happened, or how. No-one reported anything. I'm confused. Please help. Anderson's not keen but I figure we**

**need you. Are you game? GL**

Lestrade, the two bodies from the station are linked to the others. I'm unsure how as yet but they are, trust me on this one, and ignore Anderson, he is still being an idiot. Get the ages and the names of each body. John is going down now, yes John you are because everyone can see this message. I'm a technophile, am I not? SH

John I want you to take pictures of their knees and toes, if you see a symbol like two dragons intertwining then photograph them, it's important. And no, nobody can call me sherry, I'm not some kind of drink that is cheap down at a shop. SH

Mrs Hudson. Tea, pronto. With biscuits. And I need a new kettle and a pair of fresh hands. Chivvy. SH

Mycroft...get a job will you. SH

Ok, Sherry. I'm down at Earl's court now. The forensics people won't allow photographs, but there is a dragon thing on one body, and the other has his toes sanded down as if someone had tried to remove a tattoo. Greg's given me the info. I'll tell you when you get back - I'm atBaker St now. Hurry up. JW

**_Sherlock, I'm not your housekeeper, but I've got the biscuits and your tea will be ready as soon as you care to return. John's already here and eating them - get back before he's eaten them all. He's ravenous, poor dear. Do you starve him on purpose? And you can get your own hands - a woman has her dignity, and I'm NOT your housekeeper, dear. Mrs H_**

_In case you didn't realise, Sherlock, I do have a job. It is, as you put it, being the British government. Please remember that. I could, brother dear, say the same to you. I try not to sound condescending, Sherlock, but I am the clever one, am I not? MH_

John don't call me sherry, I am not a addictive alcoholic drink, unless you're addicted to me. I would be very surprised if you were. And can you pass me my tea, and those biscuits will put on approximately 4.23g of fat if you carry on eating them at that speed and you would have to do two jogs round the park instead of just one. And no it's not my fault there is no income. SH

Mrs Hudson, John is his own person and it is not my responsibility to feed him. Also I've contacted Molly to deliver the hands. Thank you for the biscuits an average choice, you could do better next time SH

Yes Mycroft, I do fully understand that you saying that I should get a job but what I meant that you must have something better to do other then pry in on my life. Oh and keep trying not to sound condescending you're doing a pretty bad job. SH

So, Sherlock, are you going to explain the significance of the dragon tattoo or not? You do have to tell me things you know. This lovely cadaver is Yen Jeong

Lee, a business man with lucrative investments in shipping. His associate isn't anyone we recognise - looks rather shady. A shipping business would be a good

front for shipping illegal weapons or drugs. What do you think? And they were found in a tube carriage as it came into Earl's Court station. Where shall we start looking? JW

P.S I don't care about the fat. I'll burn it off chasing after you sometime soon, I expect. And how could I resist? You know I'm a sucker for a custard cream.

Really John, you have a sentimental attachment to almost everything, it's a element only found in the losing side.

Right, the tattoos are the same as on the corpses of the case before the one we 'didn't ' take. You know the song, head shoulders knees and toes. The tattoos are following that. As for the drugs, he's not shipping them but is a unsuspecting victim, the substance isn't drugs but a mix of dynamite, methane and cannabis. He'd go to his workplace, assassins, his friend possibly, would then start a casual fire and boom.

They died because something went wrong and the explosion would ruin everything, these criminals are drama queens. SH

_Careful, Sherlock, you're jumping to conclusions. And yes, I have surveillance placed on your account._

_MH_

Sherlock, shouldn't we do some investigation? We need to work out who this assassin is, right? I'll meet you down at the dock-yards - Greg says Lee's tanker is stopping up there. See you there in five mins. JW

P.S Mrs Hudson texted me - she needs us to pick up some coffee powder. Can we stop off on our way back from the dock-yards? It MUST be nescafe, apparently. Don't ask.

No I'm deducting conclusions, Mycroft. See you at the yard, John. SH


End file.
